Are You Searching …

Are You Searching …

The more we know, the better our understanding of the world. – Steven R. Covey

How to get peace

From my point of view there are many different possibilities to achieve and receive peace. I suggest to focus on two important and interdependent roles. First, your own role as an individual and second, as a member of a group.

Decide that you want peace. Then start planning.

As an Individual

Rumi writes, the inspiration is already within us. Be silent and listen. Gain clarity of your own role. What are your perceptions, your concepts or thought patterns, your theories of conflict, peace and life. What are your standards? How do you solve difficulties and conflicts? What are your roles? What are your goals?

Figure out your own purpose – what is your why? What is your life’s mission? Be clear about your roles. Be honest to yourself. Then create your own road map. How do you want to go about? What places do you want to see? Who do you want to meet? Specify the steps you need to take. Yes, be specific.

Tony Robbins stresses, that the only way to get better is to raise your standards. What are your standards? Which one’s can you raise, keeping in mind that you want to receive peace? Think of win-win-situations where you and the people with whom you interact improve to gain peace.

Create your own understandable, precise road map.

Start moving. Keep on moving. Importantly, follow your plan.

As a Member of a Group

You found like-minded people? You are part of a group? Do you know each other? Don’t wait for years to pass to answer the following questions. Figure them out soon and use the knowledge.

What are your views on the world? What are your pet peeves? What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? What do you love or dislike? What are your goals and dreams? Do you know when to support each other or when it is better to give space?

Get going. Do activities together. Serve the community. Inspire each other. Be creative and resourceful. Don’t let a narrow mind or a quick “no” stop your activities. Change your limiting beliefs. Change your strategy. Be active.

Peace kicks in when group interaction focusses on win-win-activities. Every group member is precious. There is hardly a limit to group activities as long as the win-win attitude stays in focus.

The more people who stick their heads together, the more energy is set free, the more good life, the more peace, is being experienced.

You can laugh, sing, dance, search, cook, eat, celebrate, play, create, achieve, be sad, be spiritual or be on the road together and much more.

Continue your activities.

How to Deepen Peace

Once you’ve figured yourself out, you are part of a group and have experienced peace. Take a step to the side. Reflect what has happened up to now. See the things as they are. Not worse than they are.

Here are some helpful questions:

  1. What happened? What did I/we do? What sticks in your mind? What struck me/us?
  2. What were eye-openers, what made me/us enthusiastic, happy, involved? What was I/were we less happy about? What was a high/low point? What did it remind me/us of?
  3. Why did I/we respond this way to what happened? What ideas about peace were confirmed, what was challenged? What are areas for further exploration?
  4. What am I/are we going to change or add to my/our way to peace? What does it imply for my/our activities?

Be clear to yourself just a few deviations can lead you to a totally different location. Adjust your road map if necessary.

Keep in mind that two people can see the same thing, disagree, and yet both be right. It’s not logical. It’s psychological. – Steven R. Covey

Follow-up. Gain insight. Get moving again. Head on to your goals.

How to Make Peace Your Habit

Be clear on your roles and goals as an individual and as a member of a group. Keep the win-win-attitude in place. Experience rewarding moments of peace both as an individual and group member. Those moments trigger the interest to experience rewarding moments again. Get into the drive.We are what we repeatedly do. – Aristotle

Have a strong motivation and a set of habits that pull you through tough times.

Take an in-depth look at your goals and your road map. Then put to paper why you want to achieve your goals. What is your purpose? For what do you want to be remembered? What drives you? What story are you telling yourself? What is the story your group relies on? Gain a clear picture of your WHY. That is your motivation.

Create your own set of peace habits (for inspiration click here). Do them repeatedly. Let them grow strong. Motivation sets you off and your habits keep you going.Success is a matter of understanding and religiously practicing specific, simple habits that always lead to success. – Roger J. Ringer

18 Proven Habits to Create an Honest and Deep Conversation

18 Proven Habits to Create an Honest and Deep Conversation

„You can make more friends in 2 months by becoming more interested in other people than you can in 2 years by trying to get people interested in you“. – Dale Carnegie

Are you searching for answers how to develop great conversational skills?

Are you curious what habits lead you to honest conversations?

Then this might be of interest to you.


Friendship Develops on the Side Line

Last fall I participated in the 11th Euro-Arab Gathering in the Sultanate of Oman. That was a conference on enhancing intercultural meetings of youth and young adults of the European and Arab regions.

It was a challenging conference because delegates from 25 different countries were present. We were merging more than 25 different approaches on how to host an international event and working towards a successful outcome.

Although enhancing intercultural encounters was the main reason for this gathering, developing friendship among the participants was obviously not part of the conference. There was just no time for that during the day.


18 Habits Create a Trusting Conversation

At night some of us went to the beach in Muscat. We sat together, drank freshly pressed lemon-mint juices, tea or water and shared a nargile. We adapted to the lifestyle of Oman.

We were open-minded people from Oman, Palestine, Italy, Poland, Croatia, Spain, Denmark, Norway, the United Kingdom and Germany.

Already during the first night out, we spoke in depth about peace in Palestine and Israel. It was a heated and highly emotional discussion. I was amazed that we dared to speak freely of the necessity of meetings between Palestinian and Israeli people.

It is an objective of conflict transformation to bring people together who are in conflict with each other. Inviting them to listen to each other, not necessarily understanding the pain points but acknowledging them.

My new Palestinian friend was absolutely not interested in that suggestion! Based on his very own experience of living under the destructive force of the occupation of Palestine. Why should he? – Why would he acknowledge their pain?

From his perspective no other people is being treated as badly as his people. From his perspective there might never be a chance for peace.

I felt with him and disagreed.

Then my new Polish friends took over. They told us about their experiences growing up in Poland after World War II. They told us about their lives during the forced displacement. They were oppressed by Germany and later by Russia. Their own government used their military to force Poles into moving to the middle of Poland, thereby often confiscating household goods and furniture, devaluating ration coupons and using brutal force.

Our heated discussion calmed down immediately.

Both groups, the new friends from France and the Polish, pointed out that it is possible to strive forward in peace with those who have oppressed. They looked at me, the German.

In Europe the peoples have managed to move away from conflict. Our governments in Europe are still working on reconciliation.

And here we are, sitting together: Poles, French and Germans – in Oman – sharing not only nargile but also thoughts, experiences and emotions, engaging in an honest and deep conversation. – Peace is possible.


Let’s Get to the Point!

Here’s a recap of the habits that were in place, when we were at our best:

We were …

  1. curious (interested in each other’s stories, experiences, ideas and opinions)
  2. relaxed (relaxed – alert – relaxed)
  3. positive
  4. friendly
  5. smiling
  6. caring
  7. empathetic (sad and shocked when we heard each other out)
  8. actively mirroring each other (gestures, postures, tone, rate of speaking)
  9. keeping eye-contact
  10. honest
  11. trusting each other
  12. courageous
  13. keeping it personal
  14. sharing experiences
  15. keeping our wording simple and straight forward
  16. asking questions to avoid misunderstandings
  17. asking questions to deepen the conversation
  18. summarizing what was said, signalizing understanding


Are You Interested in Further Reading?

Check these books out:

Dale Carnegie: How to Win Friends and Influence People.

Roger Alies: You Are The Message. Getting What You Want By Being Who You are.

Richard H. Axelrod et al.: You Don’t Have To Do It Alone. How To Involve Others To Get Things Done.